Book Titles Updated for the Times...

Liz and I got an email several weeks ago about songs that had been updated for the times, and we thought it would be funny to make up some with book titles. Liz is responsible solely for "Wind In the Pillows"...we laughed until we cried. Here's a sample of what we came up with, and no, we didn't copy them from the Internet...this was two solid hours of good, mostly clean, fun:

1. Ernest Hemingway – A Farewell To Bladder Control
2. Jack London – The Call Of The Nearest Restroom
3. D.H.Lawrence – Lady Chatterley’s Friend Who Just Comes For Coffee, Then Leaves By 6:00PM Before Jeopardy! Comes On
4. Kenneth Grahame – The Wind In The Pillows
5. E.M.Forster – Where Angels Fear To Tread: The 4:30 PM Dinner Rush at Denny’s (Where Everyone Fears to Tread…)
6. Judith Viorst – Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hemorrhoid
7. Madeleine L’Engle – A Wrinkle In, Well, Everywhere
8. Roald Dahl – James and the Giant Face Mole
9. Beverly Cleary – Ramona Quimby, Age 80
10. Natalie Babbit – Tuck’s Pads Everlasting
11. Patricia MacLachlan – Sarah, Short and Humpbacked
12. Lynne Reid Banks – The Fixodent in the Cupboard
13. Washington Irving – The Legend of Slee… “snoring…”
14. Sheila Burnford – The Incredible Journey Ends Soon
15. E.B. White – The Trumpet of … oops, Excuse Me!
16. Laura Ingalls Wilder – Little House, Because I’m On A Fixed Income
17. Lois Lowry – Number The Liver Spots
18. Scott O’Dell – Island Of the Blue Hair
19. George Orwell – 1984, Is Really When I Should Have Retired
20. George Orwell – Animal Farm – The Current State of Education
21. William Faulkner – As I Lay Dying (Needs Nothing Else…It’s Good The Way It Is.)
22. William Golding – Lord of “Your Fly’s Down” or
23. William Golding – Lord of the Thighs
24. Ernest Hemingway – The Sun Also Rises, I Hope I Do To
25. James Jones – From Here To Eternity – The Path From Couch To Bathroom
26. E.M. Forster – A Nursing Home Room With A View
27. James M. Cain – The Postman Always Rings Twice (Because You Didn’t Hear It The First Time)
28. Dr. Seuss – Green Egg Substitute and Cholesterol Free Ham
29. William Steig – Sylvester and the Magic Dentures